My blog has been silent which I know means death for a blog site. But I have been struggling with my Fulbright application and I am not yet conditioned to report the struggles while they are happening, only to work to decipher their meaning and to find a solution. So in this process, I have discovered both that I am not ready to apply for a Fulbright and that my academic training is counter-productive to writing a blog. Let me begin somewhat at the beginning.
I announced on this site that I would pursue a Fulbright this year not only because it is a life-long dream but because I wanted to know more intimately the struggles my faculty face in their own application preparations. I must say I have been VERY successful in learning about the Fulbright process and what my faculty face, and part of that success comes through my decision that I cannot, in good faith, complete the process this year. Here is what I learned.
First, though the CIES staff are enthusiastic and knowledgeable, they, like faculty, can be overworked. The response time to my emailed queries was abysmal, an unexpected development. Now, for the experienced faculty member who has established international relationships on his/her own, this is not a problem, but for the ingenue, it is. Like MANY award applications I facilitate, starting EARLY is so important. Because one is dealing with a federal agency and institutions abroad, MUCH time must be allowed to follow leads, make connections, and ask questions. I waited too late – I began the first of June – so my CIES response time was longer and exchanges with international universities still incomplete.
Second, there are unexpected problems when dealing with technology in developing countries. I want to go to Africa. My research interests focus on the presentation of race in culture and literature, especially in the marketing and understanding of national identity. I am pretty content going to any country in Africa, but I want to spend time in the newly developing and recently un-colonized African nations. I selected Benin and was considering Burkina Faso based on a CIES recommendation. However, the Burkina Faso contact information was wrong and I could get neither an email nor a fax to go through to the university in question. Benin answered me within 24 hours. In the process, I did more research and felt I was a better match for Senegal. But now I have three weeks to make a university connection and request letters from my in-States colleagues. There is no contact information listed on the Senegal award page which directs me to contact a CIES representative for that information. I have not heard back from the CIES staffer since my emailed request for information on July 7. Again, I should have started earlier to allow more time for replies.
Finally, I am not ready to apply for this award. I was applying for a teaching award and I have courses ready that seem to fit the award descriptions. But I am in the process of developing a new course that will fit better and it still needs to be tested on American students. I do not have a significant publishing record yet, and even though I was applying for awards that specifically recruited junior faculty, I am unsure as what constitutes “junior.” Can it really mean beginning? More importantly, though, I decided I did not have enough confidence in my qualifications to ask my letter writers to pull together a letter in the next three weeks. If I did not get awarded (which is what I expected), would I be willing to ask these letter writers to write again? What is the line at which a colleague becomes a pest for letters?
I have heard faculty hint at all the above problems before and I had really dismissed them. “Not enough time” – make time; “no international connections” – that is what CIES is for; “not ready yet” – of course you are; “can’t impose on letter writers” – it is a professional obligation. But in a profession that relies in so many ways on collegial relationships, the professional obligation is reciprocal and faculty are careful to not overtax their colleagues, just as I was. I don’t want to put people I respect in the position of having to write a letter of endorsement for a proposal they find inadequate. Though in an ideal world my colleagues would simply tell me, “You are not ready yet. Let’s work on this proposal another year before you send it,” few and far between are the peers who would say such.
I will now recommend to my faculty that they begin at least in February preparing their Fulbright proposal and to enable this we will hold our Fulbright Application Workshop earlier. I will also encourage only those who have a particular and well-defined passion for a specific location or project to apply. Just wanting to be a Fulbrighter – even one to the continent of Africa – is not enough. One needs to want to go for a reason that is tied to the location. And though many a CIES representative has said those exact words to FSU faculty, I am hearing them with new ears as a result of having attempted the process.
I am also now aware that I must fight the urge to present only a “finished” product in my blog site. Maybe next year I should post my actual proposal draft for comment and revision. I should certainly post my problems and successes as they occur. And I will most definitely use this space to remind academics of the usefulness of failure.
So, as we should know and embrace in academe but don’t, I have learned a great deal through my failure to complete a Fulbright application for 2011-12. Perhaps, if I start now, 2012-13 will be my year…